Five years ago, before I had gone to India for the first time, I had often prayed silently that the Lord would bestow on me a gentle + quiet spirit. At the time, I didn't have a full understanding of what I was asking for - but I was seeking it nonetheless. I knew that a gentle + quiet spirit was something that had been praised in women whose faith I had admired in my church growing up, and it was something that was praised in Scripture. "Charm is deceptive + beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised," right? I knew, even very early on in my decision to follow the Lord, that I wanted to be a woman who feared the Lord and who had a gentle + quiet spirit. I didn't know how to attain it or what it looked like - but I prayed for it anyway.
On a few occasions over the last several years - occasions that certainly stand out quite vividly in my memory - I have had women I strongly admire commend me for my gentle + quiet spirit. It is a compliment I do not take lightly, but one that I didn't fully understand the weight of until recently.
In the last few years, I have spent some time studying what exactly it means to have a gentle + quiet spirit. Is it easier for people who are more reserved? Wouldn't it be very hard (and maybe discouraging) for an extrovert to be told she should have a gentle + quiet spirit? And even more so - that is it precious in the sight of God? How can I grow in my gentle + quiet spirit to be even more gentle and even more quiet? Do I even understand what this means at all?!
Let me assure you - I did not have it all figured out. (I still don't.) But the more I have learned what this means - the more I realize that it is difficult to maintain + it really is something to aspire to + to be praised. (And the more I really don't have one? Yeah, that too.) Most importantly, I think - the more I have learned about having a gentle + quiet spirit, the more I have desired it.
1 Peter 3:3-4 says, "Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair + the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle + quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
Yes, that. I want that. The hidden person. The imperishable beauty. The gentleness. The quietness. The preciousness.
Holy women make themselves beautiful by trusting in God - by displaying the sufficiency of Christ alone - and as a result, develop an inner beauty of a spirit that does not worry or grow anxious or weary. A spirit that is loving and joyful and peaceful and patient and gentle... God wants (+ desires!) to produce in us these fruits.
"Meekness is calm confidence, settled assurance, + rest of the soul. It is the tranquil stillness of a heart that is at rest in Christ. It is the place of peace. It springs from a heart of humility, radiating the fragrance of Christ...[It] is the silent submission of the soul to the providence of God concerning us. To study the art of quietness is to take pains with ourselves, to work upon our own hears the principles, rules, + laws of meekness; and to furnish ourselves with such considerations as tend to the quieting of the spirit in the midst of the greatest provocations." (Matthew Henry)
If we are being honest, more often than not, my heart is anxious and full of worry. Over many things, over everything, over nothing. I certainly would not describe my spirit as tranquil or still or peaceful - but oh how I desire to. And if there is anything that I have learned lately it is that God delights to give us the desires of our heart.
Even in the midst of this lesson and this desire, I found myself in a place of worry and anxiety tonight at work when a very dear friend leaned over to me and said, "Do not worry! Those are not good thoughts." In those moments - in the many things, in the everything, in the nothing - we must choose to rest in the Giver of fruitfulness - the Giver of love and joy and peace and patience and gentleness. Choosing rest + trust will lead us to the hidden person, the imperishable beauty. It will lead us to the gentleness, the quietness. And it will lead us to the thing that is so precious in God's sight.
