My whole life, I have always liked to know what was coming. I've long been a fan of spoilers, and I don't particularly like surprises. I like to be prepared and to fully understand expectations before jumping in. In life, this usually means that I just read ahead and research theories and try to make connections that will lead me to more truth - more revelations - more knowledge. In my relationship with the Lord, this usually means that I do not trust and I anxiously follow as He leads me step by step.
Constantly, I have asked the Lord to show me what is coming. What He has for me next. "Just the next few steps, Lord." I just want to know what He has in store in the coming days and weeks and months and years. And constantly, the Lord is declining my request and surprising me at the last second.
While trekking through Nepal, one of the pastors we were working with famously said, "Thirty minutes" whenever we asked him how far anything was. And I do mean anything. "How far is this hike today?" "Oh, thirty minutes." "Can you ask that man how far the village is? What did he say?" "He said thirty minutes." Even after thirty minutes had long passed and we asked how much further, "About thirty minutes." I never once knew before we began how long the hike or trek or bus ride or walk or anything was. And even though this happened time after time, I still trusted him fully every time he said, "Thirty minutes." No matter how difficult the terrain, or how difficult it was to breathe, or how impossible the hike seemed, I repeated to myself over and over and over, "Just thirty more minutes. I can handle this for thirty more minutes." Every step was bathed in prayer for strength and protection and just enough trust to take another step. Now, if I had gone into some of our hikes and treks knowing what it would entail beforehand, I would have been defeated from the start. But because I knew I could endure for just a little while longer - I kept moving. No matter how difficult, no matter how many times we had to stop, I kept going.
The Lord was protecting me from the weight of knowledge He knew I couldn't bear. And I can imagine that He does the same in my daily walk with Him.
"It's too heavy," I said.
"Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way with knowledge, Corrie. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you."
And I was satisfied. More than satisfied - wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions - and for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping...- - -
Father sat down on the edge of the narrow bed. "Corrie," he began gently, "when you and I go to Amsterdam - when do I give you your ticket?"
I sniffed a few times, considering this.
"Why, just before we get on the train."
"Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of Him, Corrie. When the time comes that some will have to die, you will look into your heart + find the strength you need - just in time."(Excerpts from The Hiding Place)
Over and over - and I do mean more times than I can count - the Lord has given me the knowledge that I need just in time. He has revealed just enough to give me the strength to take one more step - to endure for just a little longer.
He reveals enough - not always an abundance - but just enough. Never once has He failed me. Never once has He given too little. Never once has He left me in need of any part of His character. He always gives enough. His love is steadfast and His grace is constant. He is faithful to the end.
When I stop and think of all the times that the Lord has been faithful to me, I am overwhelmed. I cannot even begin to count the ways. Growing up, I would always grow a little discouraged when people would say, "You think you know who God is? You haven't even scratched the surface." I felt like what was meant to be an encouragement to the limitless knowledge of God because something unattainable. "I've been following Christ for x-amount of years and I have studied x-amount of Scripture and I have prayed x-amount of times and I haven't even scratched the surface?!" Knowing the Lord felt impossible. But as I have grown, I have come to learn that I have still just scratched the surface, and that I know very little of who God is in His fullness in the very best way.
I have learned His character and His faithfulness and His love and His grace in quantities that are more than enough to sustain my love for Him eternally. I have never been more convinced of anything than I am about the goodness of the Lord. "But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift (which is limitless! It knows no bounds! It is eternal!)." (Ephesians 4:7)
A dear friend I met in India reminded me of this truth when I was struggling to grow in my intimate knowledge of the Holy Spirit. She said, "God gives us grace according to Christ's gift, which is everything. God gives good + COMPLETE gifts to his children so there is no limit to the grace he gives us. We don't need to achieve at a high level to have more grace for the gifts of the Spirit, but he is glad to pour out an abundance of what we need - exceedingly + abundantly more than we can even imagine."
And even in the midst of His grace that is exceedingly + abundantly more than we can even imagine ("If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking") - we haven't even scratched the surface.
"To whom then will you compare me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing." (Isaiah 40:26)- - -
"By his power he stilled the sea; by his understanding he shattered Rahab. By his wind the heavens were made fair; his hand pierced the fleeing serpent. Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of him!" (Job 26:14)
John Piper said, "Every one of the billions of stars in the universe is there by God's specific appointment. He knows their number. And most astonishing of all, he knows them by name. They do his bidding as his personal agents. When we feel the weight of this grandeur in the heavens, we have only touched the hem of his garment. 'Behold, these are just the outskirts of his ways, + how small a whisper do we hear of him!"
