This is a really unique time in my life. I have questioned sharing a lot of this for a while now, but I really think it’s time to share with you what the Lord is doing in my life. Where I’m at. What I’m doing. Or rather, what Christ is doing through me.
As many (if not all) of you know, I went to Southeast Asia in August and it changed my life. God really began a new work in me and opened my eyes to His presence in me and the power of His Spirit. My faith has been increased so incredibly much and it has been one of the most amazing journeys I have ever embarked on.
Some (probably not as many) of you know that I was planning on going back to the same region of SE Asia in December. Working with the same pastors and translators, some of the same team members, and doing great work for the Kingdom of God. Well, the Lord’s plans were very different from my own (and praise Him for that!) He made it very clear to me that I was not supposed to return so soon, and that my place on the team needed to be filled by someone else. It’s a pretty cool story - and I really want to share it with you, purely so the Lord will be further glorifed and praised!
It was a Tuesday night, and I was driving home after a worship-and-prayer-filled-time at the WATCH. I was overwhelmed with a thankful heart, and filled with so much joy over the many blessings He had given me. I was in the middle of thanking Him for this opportunity to go back to SE Asia when I felt like the Lord was telling me, “Give it back to me.” Excuse me? Seriously? I spent the next hour trying to figure out if I had done something wrong or was seeking this trip for any selfish reasons. I spent the rest of the night wrestling with the Lord and seeking Him on this huge decision. Tuesday night was filled with prayers and tears - with another message from my Creator. I felt Him saying to me (through an encouraging note my dear friend Anna Dean shared) that if He sent rain on Wednesday, that would be my sign that I wasn’t supposed to go. Ok, I thought - we’re in the middle of a drought. What are the chances it actually rains tomorrow?
Well, can I tell you something? It rained - Every. Second. Of. The. Stinking. Day.
There really isn’t much else to say. It was incredibly clear that I wasn’t supposed to actually go on this trip - and that realization was nothing less than absolutely heartbreaking. I spent a few days more emotional than I have been in at least a year and a half - everything made me cry and sappy. It was pretty pathetic…
Needless to say, this time has been one of the hardest in my walk with the Lord. I can’t think of very much, if anything, that I have ever wanted more than to return to Asia on this trip in December - to work with these pastors again, to share the gospel with even more people, to experience village life even more, and to take in the sights and sounds and smells once more… but can I also tell you that I haven’t experienced much more rewarding than to be obedient to my Father’s call on my life! I don’t know what’s coming - honestly, I have NO clue - but there is so much excitement dwelling and stirring inside of me for what’s to come. I can’t wait to see what the Lord is going to call me to do once I graduate. I can’t wait to get to one day return to this precious land that captured my heart. I can’t wait to one day fall in love with a wonderful boy and get married and start a family. I can’t wait to adopt children from all over the world. I can’t wait to see God’s plan for my life finally fall into place. Perfectly. And to have the privilege of being a part of it - and the overwhelmingly undeserving receiving end of His blessings!
What an amazing life I am allowed to live - I am so thankful and grateful for everything the Lord is doing in my life… even when that means stripping away everything I have built and planned for myself. I can honestly say that my only goal - my only passion - the one thing that gets me jumping out of bed in the morning - is to make Him known. And to encourage. And to serve. And most of all, to love. In whatever capacity that may be. Wherever that may be. With whoever by my side - even if I’m meant to be in it alone. I want everyone I come in contact with to know Christ a little more because of my life. My words. My smile. My laugh. My love. My small, humble offering. I simply want to leave the world a more beautiful place than it was when I entered it. And the only place I know to do that is seeking the Lord’s will - completely surrendering everything - and being obedient when He speaks.
I know this has been an unusually long post, but before I go, I want to encourage YOU. Yes you, the one reading this right now with a strange feeling the Lord has stirring in your heart. I know sometimes that feels more like a pit in your stomach than a stirring in your heart, but just stay with me. You’ve been praying and seeking for the Lord’s will for your life - and you’re growing more frustrated with each day you don’t hear from Him. What if He has spoken? What if He isn’t silent? What if you just don’t want to hear the words He has given you? I want to encourage you today - be obedient. Even when you don’t think it’s what you WANT to do. Even when it’s hard. Persevere. Even when it means you’re in it alone - follow the Christ. His plans for you are far greater than anything you could dream for yourself, and He’s just asking you to trust Him and take that first step of faith.
He loves you. And is working all things for your good. So do it. Obey. Take that step. And make Him known.
